Friday 4 January 2013

2013: the year in prospect

My forecasts for the year ahead (which at least probably stand a better chance than the below-mentioned Radio 4 racing tips):

January: BBC Today programme announces appointment of ancient Mayan racing tipster; Muffin the Mule arrested as Jimmy Savile enquiry enters new phase

February: Silvio Berlusconi re-elected Prime Minister of Italy; satire officially declared dead

March: Shock in Parliament as someone says “I agree with Nick” for first time since 2010 leaders’ debates; Tories blamed

April: New press regulator starts work; all newspapers lead on story of successful lambing in Northumberland

May: First woman bishop enthroned after surprise Synod vote; cathedral rocked by estimate for new curtains on all stained glass windows

June: Queen celebrates 60th anniversary of Coronation; Prince Charles wins Network Rail Lifetime Achievement Award for world’s longest wait

Frankly any excuse will do for a lovely picture of the Coronation

July: Duchess of Cambridge gives birth to a son; feminists demand urgent recount

August: New Bank of England Governor Mark Carney completes initial review of books and returns to Canada, saying he may be some time

September: Alex Salmond slain as local toddlers’ Flodden 500th anniversary re-enactment gets out of hand

October: Last Newcastle public library closes: Tories blamed; Lit & Phil announces first-ever waiting list for membership

November: After knife-edge vote, US Congress approves far-reaching ban on personal ownership of bazookas and howitzers

December: Bankers earn record bonuses; MPs claim record expenses; Tories blamed

Originally published in The Journal, Newcastle upon Tyne.

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